Take it to the previous level

Way back in the twentieth century, I read this essay by George Orwell and it changed the way I talk forever. The essay's called "Politics and the English Language" and it's the bomb. Here's why:

Orwell is crazy mad at clichés. He doesn't want anybody using any analogy without at least having a clue as to how that analogy works. That kind of prohibition is hard to implement.

It means you can't ever say "I'm going to take it to the next level." Well, not unless you're in a stairwell and you're carrying a box up the stairs and responding to the question, "Where are taking that box?" 

I have to admit it, I hate the next level. Why not take it to the previous level? Or better yet, take it outside, give it some fresh air and sunlight. That's what Orwell wants us to do with the language we use. He wants us to freshen it up. Bury our dead metaphors and hope that they have enough compost-nutrients to grow some vitamin-packed way of expressing ourselves.

When we give zero thought to what that "next level" is, we end up with this Guy-Ritchie-dierected Nike commercial:

At the start of the commercial, the meaning of "next level" is pretty tangible: the difference between an amateur and a professional soccer team can certainly be understood in terms of "levels." But the commercial undermines the logic of its own message when it includes such incongruous actions as losing a tooth and signing an autograph in an inappropriate manner as both signifiers of "the next level." 

At this point, some of you are thinking, "What's the problem with 'the next level'? It is what it is." And if you are thinking that, I thank you because you just named the other cliché that if George Orwell were around he would put a Chuck Norris-style smackdown upon.

No sentence has less meaning than "it is what it is." In fact, the equivalent speech act to saying "It is what it is" is to say nothing at all, to stand with lips pursed for the 2.5 seconds that it would take to say that sentence. Indeed, the only reason why this sentence is ever spoken is to fill dead air with a human sound that resembles a thought, which is why this sentence is so common among athletes and coaches who suddenly find themselves standing behind microphones. 

So why do people and corporations use such meaningless sentences as "take it to the next level"? Indeed, why do those who use such sentences tend to value them so much that they hire Guy Ritchie to direct the commercial based off of the empty sentence? Here's why: When one uses this sentence, he gets to gain the agreement of his audience without actually revealing the concrete terms of that agreement.

So be careful before you agree to take anything to the next level. You don't know where that level is. You probably don't know what "it" is. And (most importantly) you don't know who'll be doing the schlepping.

Guess what, it'll probably be you.